Flying Cattle Class
When I was in 8th grade, Shashi Tharoor was up in the news for his use of the phrase ‘cattle class’, referring to economy airline passengers in India. Yet again, Dr. Tharoor found himself ensnared in a predicament of his own making, a quagmire excavated by his prodigious use of the English language. I thought that if there was one country in the world where being compared to cattle could be a complement, it’d be India 🙏🐄. But I guess not.
I’ve had the privilege of flying since I was six, when a stewardess would hold my hand from security check until I buckled my seatbelt. It’s been two decades since, and I can find my own way now, but I still have never flown non-economy. But I’ve never had issues with economy. However, my perspective was restricted to flying within India. For the first decade, I almost always flew Air India. Not because I had status, but because dad’s government LTC allowance mandated the use of the flag carrier. Air India was is amazing. You get more baggage allowance than you need and a tightly packed tray with Chicken Tikka, rice, and fruit custard. Back when I was cute, I used to also get a coloring book of the Maharaja mascot’s adventures.
Once I started buying my own tickets, I moved to the more affordable Indigo airlines. Compared to the aforementioned complementary tikka masala, Indigo’s cup noodles at 20x the price is quite un-6E. But.. you can get by in a 90 minute Pune-Bangalore flight without food. Flying time within India is never longer than 200 minutes, which is probably why flying coach never hurt. And even Indigo allows one carry-on per passenger.
Then I moved to the US, the mecca of capitalism. Where even economy class was broken down into Basic Economy, Classic Economy, Economy Plus, and Premium Economy, all in the 30 rows of an A320. No carry-ons, zoned boarding groups, first-come-first-serve with seats, no seat back pocket, no recline. Over the 50 flights I must have taken in the last two years, I’ve been conditioned into just being grateful for a free glass of water.
And while the last few paragraphs might have read as an escalating criticism of service, this blog is actually my love story for budget airlines. Evidence? 40 of the 50 flights I’ve taken have been on Spirit Airlines. The only times I have taken other carriers have been when my employer paid or if Spirit did not fly that route. Spirit is what made all my travel possible. $18 to fly from LA to SF? $140 to fly across three timezones? These are dreams come true. I gladly roll up my shirts and pack one backpack for a week’s trip, bring chips from home, and buy a soda at the airport when flying basic economy. And frankly, after Spirit strips away everything on the seats it possibly can, it feels like the same legroom as United!
Over time, I’ve discovered these Spirit hacks. Are they all ethical? Probably not. And if everyone started doing these, I’d get screwed. Fortunately, no one reads my blog.
🟡 Spirit Hacks for Relaxed Backs 🟡
- Bagception - I carry a bag in my bag. While I’m not carrying explosives, my backpack is usually one additional T-shirt away from bursting open. Bagception helps me practically manage my luggage once I breeze past the gate agent.
- Carabiners - My friends make fun of the number of carabiners I have, but the joke’s on them. Have 1-2 carabiners on your bag on which you can throw a water bottle, cap, or a neck pillow.
- Neck Pillow - Strongly recommended if you’re flying over 4 hours. The seats don’t have winged headrests or even a cushion for that matter.
- Layers - Need I say more? Wear that coat instead of packing it even though you are taking off from sunny San Diego.
Plus, you can use the pockets in your jacket to hold more stuff. That’s probably too desparate.
- Late check-in - Everyone flying Spirit is a cheapskate like me. They are not going to pay $30 to get an aisle seat when their ticket itself was $50. They’ll hit ‘Skip’ and accept the middle seat that they’ll be automatically assigned to. The winners are the ones who check in at the very end and get auto assigned to the remaining aisle seats.
- SeatBid - Bid for exit row or the luxurious front row seats. I’ve won multiple exit row bids for $4, when exit row seats otherwise cost $45.
- Gate seats - I’ve seen exit row seats for a 6 hour flight available for as low as $12 at the gate.
- Savers’ Club - Annual $70 membership that unlocks $10-20 discounts on flights, plus other benefits. No brainer if you are taking more than 3 budget trips a year.
- Entertainment - There are no in-flight entertainment screens, so consider investing in a phone cover that can hold itself up on the seat card pocket. Don’t kid yourself that you’re going to get work done in that legroom. Leave your laptop in the bag.
- Think, then pack - Stop being so picky. Count the number of clothes you need for a long weekend. You don’t need 8 pairs of underwear. The shoes you are wearing are sufficient. The hotel gives you a shampoo.
I believe in Spirit’s mission. Charge less, keep costs down, and reduce turnaround time.
Like an eco-conscious shopper who does their part by bringing their own bag to the store, I shut the window shade while leaving to keep the cabin cool and gather my trash so the cabin can be refreshed faster.
So I was frustrated with the FTC’s decision to block the much needed JetBlue-Spirit merger on anti trust grounds. Not just because this led to my Spirit stock plummeting from $16 to $6 faster than the door on Alaska Airlines, but because it made no sense to me. Any company can be a monopoly if you define their industry narrowly enough. They had a combined market share of 8%. The big airlines probably lobbied for this, and soon after added a cheaper than cheap economy class that was badly executed. 👀 Looking at you @United, that makes me check-in in-person and puts me in boarding group 9.
Anyway, I’m close to Spirit’s Silver Elite status. So I’ll probably be boarding zone 2 while also winning $12 bid on the big front seats, so I’ll see you suckers walk past me later, hoping there is some space left in your overhead bins.
Published: 1 July 2024